Posted by: Joelle Burnette | July 31, 2012

The daily craze

padded cell

My new home/office?

“Would you get federal assistance if I was sent away to an insane asylum? Maybe you could get enough money to send the kids to college,” I offered this new strategy as a way to bring home some funds into our economically suffering nest.

While editing my next book, I had to take a break or I would go crazy from editing page after page, over and over. Hey, if Dean Koontz can do it like that, certainly I can, too.

I wasn’t quite hugging my husband, rather leaning against his chest. My arms dangled, hanging over his arms that were wrapped around my waist.

“Oh, you’re about to take flight,” he said as he bounced my flaccid arms up and down. And with that motion, our daughter began flapping her arms like a chicken. “Buck, buck, BUCK-AH!” she clucked like the flightless fowl. Mark and I joined in the clucking.

“You know, it doesn’t sound so bad. I hate cooking, and they would serve me three meals a day,” I added. “And I wouldn’t have to get a shitty job I’m not qualified for.”

“Work at McDonald’s,” mumbled our son from the next room. He was “working” on his computer.

“Fuck you,” I responded without thinking. Everyone laughed.

“Don’t say that to your son,” Mark fussed through his smile..

“I need a job where I can sit in a little room and hide away from people. Maybe I can be a telemarketer.” I have a master’s from Stanford, as my mother keeps reminding me, and yet, I seem to be qualified to do little and earn less.

“If we send you away, you’ll get that little room, and it will be padded, too” responded Mark in a syrupy voice he would use with a child. I continued leaning against him. I moaned.

“Yeah,” I responded to my own fantasy. “And I can sit around and do art all day.”

“Yup, you’ll mumble to yourself and do art. Wait,” remarked my husband. “You already do that.”

Somebody, please give me a job…or a big bucket of money!


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